for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
