Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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