I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
