So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
