I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
