Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
