I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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