I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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