My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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