D3 body, D1 cock
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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