she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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