What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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