just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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