wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
