dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
