The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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