I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
