I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
