I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
