he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
