Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
