I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
