if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
