weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
