Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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