Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
