I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
