dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
