im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
