Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
