Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
