it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
