Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
