If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just invented taco cereal.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
