I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
