can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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