Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
