So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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