well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
