she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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