Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
