My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
