Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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