So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
