what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
