You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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