My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
