Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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