Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
