So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
