i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
