Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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