It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
