you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
