I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
